The Wacky Christmas Presents

Thought I would do a quick post on the joy it was to be in my family during the holidays when I was a teenager and in college.  For some reason we went through a strange phase of handmade gifts for one person each year that was truly tremendous.  Now this was my dad's family as they are the most cra cra!  Yeah I love you guys too!

It all began after a very very very long trip from Alabama to Texas and back to visit my Uncle Layne and his family.  For some reason the gods had it out for my dad on that trip.  He was forever getting lost even if he was following someone and we did not have cell phones then so it was hours long to get him back to us.  He tried to get gas with cash once and for some reason the place wouldn't take it.  Who knows?!  Anyway, the Christmas after that summer, me, my brother and my Aunt Pat came up with the great idea of creating him a Texas ID card that would help him wherever he went in Texas.  We took an old picture and made the ID card along with a detailed letter apologizing for his problems and confirming that in the future he would always have a great trip in TX.  Keep in mind, Dad was still fuming about the trip so we were risking our lives.  However, he took it all in stride and carried that ID around for awhile I think.

It then started to get a bit crazy!  My Uncle Layne moved back from Texas a few years later and was living with my Aunt Dot.  He liked to work with wood and made something also for my dad that was the best part of that holiday and truly proved we were rednecks.  If I can find the pictures of this thing I will scan and put them here some time.  Ok, here goes!  Please don't remember us too harshly for this one.  It was a "booger picker."  Yes folks, it was a hand shaped in wood with an extension on one of the fingers to improve the reach!  It was hilarious!  We have photos with a number of family members including my grandmother checking it out.  My dad and his brother are just fools together but I love them for it.

We finally ended this on a simpler note.  My Aunt Dot was the last to get gifted.  She had a bit of a fascination with Tammy Faye Baker back during the days of that horror.  So we put together for her a Tammy Faye Makeup Kit.  It was pink but in it were things like spackle and heavy duty paints.  She got a kick out of it.

After that we kind of waned down but it was pretty funny and shows you that apparently we have no fear in gifts for our family.  Maybe because with it came a lot of love and joy!  I bless them for giving me those memories and not being afraid to enjoy them!

Wishing all my friend and family a booger free holiday!

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The TV

My dad has always had a fascination with TV.  Yes, I have been on a ladder outside the house helping him adjust the antenna.  We had to have it just perfect so we could get all of the 4 channels we had without any lines.  Yes, young'uns, we had 4 channels if we were lucky - ABC, NBC, CBS and PBS.  That year when we started getting what was channel 21 in our area was a big day.  Our televisions had knobs and you had to walk to the really big box on the floor and actually turn the knobs to change the channels.  Some TVs now do not even have a way to change channels without a remote.  Oh, and let's not forget how we had to adjust UHF and VHF.  Weird stuff that!  To make it even worse for all of those not use to these kinds of TV issues, cartoons were only on Saturday morning and if you did not get up to watch them then you missed it.  So there were children everywhere up watching TV on Saturdays while their parents stayed in bed getting some extra rest.  That was how we learned to make our own breakfast.  

You know there was less TV watching back then because well, there were less channels and more work to change a channel.  Also, news was at 5pm and 10pm and no self respecting kid wanted to watch those so they had to be outside playing, doing homework or finding other ways of entertainment and none of them including video games.  Video games were at the arcade until Atari came out.  Atari was my downfall.  Pong was mind numbing and I had one game where I had to pick things up into a space ship and I played that game until my parents had to pick me up and take me out of the room.  

By the way, our TVs back then with only 4 to 5 channels were huge!  I actually helped my dad change a tube in one once.  Seriously!  They were pieces of furniture!  I did not get a TV in my room until I was 16.  Other people got cars, I got TV.  I loved staying up late and watching Johnny Carson.  It was mostly entertaining but honestly it was just because I could.

All in all so much has changed since then.  I do not have one TV in my house now but 5 of them.  Everyone of them is a flat screen with crazy remotes.  It is so sad that in our living room, I have a remote that is setup via computer to access not only the TV but also the satellite box and the Blu Ray player.  How in the world am I expected to get up and turn those on and change channels and all of that!!!!!  We also have DVRs in most rooms.  Come on how lazy is that!  At least with VHS, I had to program the thing with a list of 10 instructions just to get the clock to run.  My aunt was one of the first to have that wand thing for the VHS where you could use your TV Guide (remember those) and scan the info to record.  It was way cool!  Pressing a button now to record sometimes appears difficult.  

We are so spoiled!  Maybe I should go back to getting up to change channels and turn the numerous boxes on and off.  Might lose a little weight that way.  Or maybe I should just turn it all off and go get on my bike like I use to and enjoy the outdoors.  

Sitting at the Kids Table

As we approach the Christmas holiday I can  not help but remember back to not so long ago and even now about how often I sat at the kid's table or whatever it was called depending on where I was.  My clearest memory is with my mother's family.  My grandparents house has been described before and their kitchen sat 8 people who were very cozy.  Right off the kitchen was a bedroom that strangely was where the kid's table usually was.  Often a strange metal folding table was placed in front of the bed and the door to the kitchen was opened so we sat on the bed and almost felt like we were in the kitchen.  Thinking back on it, that was very strange and funny!  Sometimes we ate in the living room but I honestly never got to sit at the adult table in that house during family gatherings.  I did get the privilege when I was in college and would eat with them one to two times a week just me and my grandparents.  I so appreciate that time now that they are gone but even then I knew that it was wonderful to have that time with them.  

In my father's family, we had family gatherings in different locations and very often we were at the "big" table because there were less people but also because it seemed to be the thing to have everyone around one table when possible even the kids.  

At my husband's family during Thanksgiving we followed the usual rotation and it was exciting to get to be at the adult table.  It also holds 8 and is right off the living room where a kid's table is set up.  This year there were 5 grandchildren that were all old enough to sit and eat together and it was strange to see that and know that now Scott and I along with his brother and sister in law do not have to sit there and watch the children.  It is getting surreal!  The adult table at the Rose's is a rotation with people filling in as others leave.  

Overall, it is becoming an interesting experience to now be an adult at the age of 42.  What that means I guess is that we were lucky for a long time to have wonderful people who were older than us taking up those seats.  Honestly, give me the kid's table as long as we can keep those people "with more summers" around to tell us their stories and take up those seats at the adult table.

Silvery and Ceramic Christmas

My grandmothers each had their own styles during Christmas.  My Mom's mother started out with a pretty standard artificial tree when I was younger but of course it had the large bulb lights that were popular at that time.  But as time passed she decided to go with a smaller tree and it became more of a silver color with bright colored bulbs.  I always found it interesting how much her trees stood out in comparison to her who would never have wanted to stand out.  There were so many of us grandkids in my mom's family that we got simple presents from our grandparents like the lovely underwear and the dreaded socks.  At one point when we were all younger there were 10 of us all in that small white house that I described before.  It was complete chaos and often they would send us outside just to get some peace.  It was fun to have Christmas with such a large family.  My parents did a good job of dividing our time between my Mom's family and my Dad's.

My Dad's mom was very traditional at Christmas and I honestly do not remember anything very distinct about my childhood with her during the holidays.  However, as she got older and did not want to put up a tree she went to a cute little ceramic tree that had lights on it that you could turn on and off with a switch.  It was so neat and we all thought how it fit her to have something small and sweet just like her.  She was so much a part of my life as a youngster that she seems to blend in more than she stands out for me.  I remember walks in the neighborhood and her always smiling face when we would visit.

So at Christmas time I often think of my Grandmother's and the joy they brought all of us.


Next:  Crazy Portzer Christmas' and those great last minute hand made gifts - the Texas ID, the Booger Picker and Tammy Faye's makeup kit.

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The Fan

I was lucky enough for a very long time to have both sets of my grandparents alive and kicking.  My mother's parents were quite fiesty.  They lived in a small white house only about two miles away from the other grandparents who lived in the trailer.  The small white house had a window air conditioner in the front window in what we called the formal living room.  It was called that because there was another living room right behind it and as kids we were not allowed to play in the formal one because we might break something.  Anyway, it was rare that the air conditioner was ever turned on.  

Someone, I think my brother, mentioned what was in the window at the back of the house and we had a good little laugh the other day. After the living room we were allowed to play in, was the kitchen and the back of the kitchen had a window that opened to a covered and enclosed porch area (not open to the outside except for a screen door, think about that, where was the air coming from).  In that window was a super large, heavy duty fan.  You turned that thing on and you might as well head outside because thinking and talking were not going to happen.  

My granddaddy loved that fan and during the summer it was on alot.  My grandmother not so fond of the fan.  If granddaddy left to go to the store or something within minutes grandmother would look at one of us and tell us to turn the air conditioner on and cut that loud fan off.  It was funny!  

They were often like that.  Work together but when the other was gone do what you wanted!  They were one of my first examples of a what I felt was a shared marriage.  Not so sure how they were when they were younger but as they got older they acted like partners.  Each paid separate bills and had separate checking accounts.  I miss them terribly too!  They were strong but loved us all so much!  

The fan was there from before I was born until they were gone!  

The 100 Acre Garden

Actually, it may have been just an acre but sometimes it felt like 100.  As a small child it was a huge garden.  Now it would probably seem so small and I would wonder why I whined so much about working in it.  That was the rule - you were at the trailer during the spring and summer and you did your part in the garden no matter how old you were.  We did all of the following as kids:

• plant seeds
• cover seeds
• water everything all the time
• stick tomatoes and beans
• hoe, hoe, hoe, hoe (they even broke off handles on old ones so us kids would have one)
• follow the plow 
• pick peas
• pick beans
• pull corn
• pick cantaloupes
• pick watermelons
• pick cucumbers
• pick squash
• hold the bucket while Grandmother cut the okra and the cabbage
• pick tomatoes
• dig out the potatoes for days and days
• shell peas and beans for days and nights and nights and days
• shuck corn (watch for the worms)
• play under the table while everything was cut and frozen and canned and on and on

It was an experience that at the time was completely wearing for a kid but I now know how to do all of those things and I don't know that many people my age and definitely younger who do.  I wish I had a green thumb because I would grow things too and have my daughter learn because knowing how to make your own food is a wonderful thing.  

My grandmother did unique things like having the beans and peas (the ones that would need to have sticks to keep them growing) planted next to the corn.  That way the beans and peas would grown up the corn stalks and keep us from having to use the sticks.  The corn and beans/peas were grown in the lower level of the garden and often it was like a tunnel to walk between them.  Super cool for kids!  

Overall I am so happy to have been raised on fresh vegetables and to know where they come from and how to take care of them.  I think it gave me a greater appreciation for those who handle them.  I still remember sitting on the side of the garden and watching my Grandmother constantly going from one thing to another.  She never stopped moving during the day either in the garden or in the trailer.  She was a hard worker and I appreciate so much her example.  I miss her so!

My Grandparents Trailer

Yes, I am from the South so someone had to live in a trailer, right?  Well, my Dad's parents lived much of my childhood in a single wide trailer in the country.  Behind it was an acre of land that for all the time I remember it was filled with a garden.  My grandfather was a very tall man and my memories are limited to him being often short of memory due to Parkinson's Disease among other things.  My grandmother took care of him and maintained the house and garden.  Papa was still able to help out some at first but over time he gradually lost his knowledge of us.  My understanding is that he was a tough man most of his life but his illnesses made him a much easier person to get along with.  He would always welcome us by saying "Good Morning this evening!" and smiling at us.  It was his own joke I think.

Their trailer was red and white on the outside and over time a trellis was added to the front for Grandmother to plant her roses and to sit outside on her glider.  My Grandmother had a green hand, not just a thumb.  Anything she touched grew and was beautiful.  The inside of the trailer was a continuous move from one room to the next.  One end was the master bath which was "mighty fine" for a trailer of that time.  It had a closet to one side, a mirrored wall with sink to the other side, a separate door for the toilet (this had to be great for people who were raised with outhouses), and a sunken tub directly as you walked in.  What was cool about that tub for kids was that it had a step up to it which you of course could use as a stage.

The master bedroom was next and for most of the time there was a king size bed in that room.  Truly amazing.  Interestingly there was a back door to the trailer in the room that never as far I know had stairs off of it.  However, it was a great escape route if you were being chased through the house.  Next you stepped up into a kitchen that was black and white and was mentally and physically the center of the place.  The laundry area was there and the stove, frig and freezer were well used in this room.  Then you would step down into the living room.  This room was darker and we all laughed about the lovely black vinyl bar that was in one corner.  Not really sure what caused my church going grandparents to buy a trailer with a bar but we used it for playing and storage.  After the living room was another bedroom at the other end of the house that also had a closet and a smaller bath.

That was the trailer and you would be amazed at how many people could get in there and eat, sleep, shell peas, shuck corn, watch 4 channels on TV, make 100s of individual apple pies, play games, hug and love.  Next time we will talk about that acre garden in the back.  It may not have been a perfect place to spend your childhood but it sure has stories to tell.  Things like the time I helped my aunt to staple, yes staple, curtains in the living room and guest bedroom because the walls were so thin they would not hold rods.  How for years we thought it did not have central air because it never worked only to find out some wires were not connected.  Yeah, that was annoying during a southern summer working out of a garden.

Next door in a nice brick house lived my Great Aunt and her third husband (she outlived them all). She never had any children so she would come pinch our cheeks and remind us not to go into her house with our dirty feet.  She was a little on the spoiled side and would drive my grandmother crazy as she was my Papa's sister and she could not just tell her to go away.

All in all we had fun, learned so many things and were loved greatly.  Those are some of the most important things a growing child should have.  I probably did not feel lucky then when my fingers were purple from peas but I do feel very lucky to have been there now!

It was a great trailer - some of them are you know!

The Lake in the Woods

This weekend I spent time with my family at what I call the Lake in the Woods.  This lake is well known where I live and my parents who never stay in one place longer than you can spit in the wind,  (Had to throw some southern twang in there) have been renting a house where they can view the lake from their front porch.  It is the best place for a granddaughter to visit her grandparents.  However, they have to keep moving so they are looking at houses to buy.  Keep in mind that my parents have never owned their own house so buying in your 60s seems a bit strange.  Wait!  This is my family!

Anyway, the visit was great.  It was very chilly out at the lake but my daughter got her time on the front porch swing, some great food from a place no one should find but everyone does, a history lesson in an old county jail and provided her recommendations on what should be changed in an underground storm cellar.  Pretty busy day for a 5 year old!  These are the things we do when I spend time with my family.

My daughter was fascinated with the "poop hole" as we called it in the old jail!  She wanted all of us to really check that out.  Thank goodness the jail had not been used in probably a 100 years.

I find the drive to the Lake in the Woods to be calming for me most of the time especially when little bit is playing a game or watching a movie.  The roads are familiar to me and remind me of my childhood.  I remember all kinds of things when I am there.  The old houses, the supermarket that refuses to go away, the strip mall where I bought my first car insurance policy, the remains of a restaurant my grandparents loved but we felt needed to come down long before it did.

I was lucky!  I got to spend so much time with my grandparents and learned so much from them.  I wish that I had spent more time just talking to them and asking them about their lives.  This is why I am writing these things down now.  I want my daughter to know what it was like for us because her world will probably be so different.

I hope we get to visit the Lake in the Woods more before my parents make their next move because it reminds me very much of the Little White House in the Woods that I so fondly remember.

Granddaddy's Loves

I have some wonderful memories of my Mother's Dad. I have heard that his fatherly skills were not the best but as our Granddaddy he was great fun! I will give you more details about him some other time. But some of the things we always remember were the thing he loved.
• Dr. Pepper
• Pringles
• Whatchmacallit candy bars
• very red hot dogs
• Pork skins (grandmother loved those too)
• old western movies
• walks outside
• sitting in the rocking chair

These are some of the things that remind me of him along with many others.

Aunt Sally and Outhouses

Yes, I have used an outhouse for its intended purpose.  I was very young but I still remember it because I had no choice.  My parents took me to me to visit my Great Aunt Sally.  She was old even then but she had a house that never had a restroom until right before she died.  She had some running water in the house (one of those pumps like you see in Little House on the Prairie) but did not want a real restroom because she did not need it.  Aunt Sally was from a time long ago and I often remember visiting her and that she might or might not have her teeth in.  She always dressed well for church and she always pinched my cheeks, I think.  She was so unique a character that I still have memories of her and can still smell her house.  

I have learned more about outhouses since then.  My aunts and uncles share laughingly about the wonderful two seater which sped up the visits if you had a big family.  The Sears & Roebuck catalog was a popular item not just for reading but as a substitute for toilet paper.  I also understand that old corn cobs were also used.  And you think you got it bad!  

My uncle tells stories of running fast to the outhouse at night not only because it was scary but also because it was often cold and if you were in a hurry you wouldn't take time for coat or shoes.  I recently saw a video where one of my grandmother's was shown walking out of an outhouse with another woman.  One of the first color videos of our family.  We all laughed hard at how normal it all seemed! 

Beginnings

I think they gave me sweet tea in my bottle!  You can not - seriously - can not have been born and raised in the South and not had sweet tea.  It is like the Tide without Bear!  Recently, I have started to become nostalgic for my time as a child raised in Alabama.  There are so many good stories about my crazy family that I thought maybe a blog would be a good place to put them down so I don't forget them as I am getting older.  Also, I figure (another word only used in the South) that there are many of you who have very similar stories and will get a kick out of these.  For the most part I am going to try to keep names out of this because some of these stories could be embarrassing ... to me, probably not my family!

So let's see, just to get you started I should tell you a little bit about this family.  My dad is a semi retired minister who once worked as a manager at Winn Dixie (grocery store) and was in the Air Force for a few years.  My mom is a semi retired homemaker, seamstress, cook and yes she has been paid for some of these jobs.  I have a brother who is 3 years or so younger than me who has been a chef at a country club, a construction worker until he fell off a house and broke both arms (they are fine now) and a computer systems administrator.  My sister is 12 years younger than me.  She will always be the baby and she was not a mistake but there were some misses between my brother and her.  She is a sweetie who is loved by all studied to be a teacher but ended up processing insurance policies.  My husband of 18 years is the only sane one among us and I feel lucky to have gotten some sanity from him.  My daughter is the light, heart and soul of my life and provides just about as much entertainment as the rest of them.

There are others you will meet along the way...my mother's twin brother, my dad's twin brother (yep, it's true).  My aunt who retired both from the Marines and from teaching school!  My other aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.

Most of what I have learned in life I learned during those first years growing up and spending time with my grandparents.  You will hear a lot about them because unbeknownst at the time they were my best examples of how to be caring, loving and Southern!

Come back because I plan to add things as I remember them or talk about them with my family!  It should be fun!  Especially those stories about outhouses!!

Could be worse but really?!?

It seems that my medication is not working as well as it did before.  Every day now I have some burning issues. Nothing as bad as without the meds but still there.  I live with my feet out of shoes whenever I can, my hands often feel like they are in gloves and my right ear is attached to a heater.  However, I listen to people who have it much worse and who can not work.  I find it interesting how surprised people are when I explain my pain.  They look at me in shock as if it does not show up.  Those who spend more time with me can tell when my face gets bright red that I am not mad but dealing with the pain.

Right now, my feet are burning in the heels, my right cheek is burning, I have twinges of pain in my legs, back and arms.  That is how I live most of the time.  But you know what, it ain't cancer or something fatal.  What does not kill you makes you stronger.  I have learned alot about myself during this problem.  I am not a complainer.  I really need to be more of one.  I have a high pain tolerance and that is not always good.  I am creative.  I have even put wet cotton balls in my ears during meetings to keep my head and ear from burning too much!  I need more will power.  I need to eat better and exercise more but who doesn't!  Yoga and meditation help but I don't find the time to do them like I should!  I often am surrounded by people with strong personalities.  Somehow it is my destiny to have these people in my life and to handle the stress that they bring to me.

Every day is another step in the journey.  Sometimes those steps are slow and painful and sometimes they are light and joyful!  I hope that if nothing else I present a strong example of how to deal with this pain and keep moving!

Sickness

Well my house has been a germ factory for awhile which is one of the reasons I have not been updating.  It is not bad enough that I have IPN but then you get sinus issues, cough and sore throat.  I just want those tonsils taken out but they don't like doing that on people my age.  May have to force it soon.  Anyway, we have gone through a flu like illness and after several weeks are starting to get better.  Miserable was the feeling for awhile but at least the fire pain was fairly calm and I did not have that one top of everything else.  Just keep swimming as Dory said in Finding Nemo!  It does make you appreciate just a little bit of health!

Sleep Study or Tale of the Lab Rat

The sleep study happened this past Tuesday night.  First recommendation, don't do something like this in the middle of the week.  Anyway, I really had not thought much about the event until sometime during the afternoon of the study.  Then for some reason, I started getting bothered about having to go and not knowing what they would do.  So I spent some furious minutes "googling" sleep studies and learning what happens in them.  That really still did not make me feel better.  After I got home and started some dinner and started packing my bag, I still felt strange about it to the point that I was just kind of moving around without really knowing what I was doing.  

Then 7:45pm came and I knew that I needed to get myself out the door to get to the lab between 8 and 8:15pm.  These folks are very specific about arrival times.  So, I arrived around 8:10pm and pushed the intercom and told them who I was.  Immediately I was put at ease because the voice on the other end was a true Southerner who explained exactly where to go.  I then went in and made my way upstairs where the technician brought me forms to fill out and explained them in detail.  Mark, my technician, was very good at explaining everything to me the whole time I was there.  After the forms were signed, he took me and another gentleman down to another floor behind two locked doors.  He then showed us to our rooms.

Ok, these rooms were on the order of a motel and not as good as Motel 6.  The bedroom fit the bed, a small table and a small tv.  There was a larger bathroom attached that had a step in shower but over all it looked fairly well used as rooms go.  I immediately changed into my pajamas only to discover that there were what I thought were stains on them even though they had just come out of the wash.  I later realized that apparently it was some kind of stain from fabric softener.  Well, there will be no changing at this point.  So I sat on the bed, got comfortable and watch Big Bang Theory on the small tv with the fuzzy screen.  How do you get cable and still have fuzzy screens?  

After about 30 minutes, Mark came back and took me to his lab area where he hooked me up to a box that had about 30 wires attached.  There were two on each leg.  One on each shoulder and then about 20 on my head.  He had to measure my head and mark spots with a pin before he then used sticky stuff to connect the wires to my head.  Joy!  Joy!  He then put a microphone type line that went into my nose like air hoses are done in the hospital.  That was so he could hear me breathe.  Once this was done he showed me CPAP masks and mentioned that if he found that I was having an issue breathing that he would come in during the night and set me up on a CPAP machine.  

Then I hobbled back to my room with all the wires attached and got ready to sleep. Lights out was at 10pm and at that time he called me through the open intercom in my room and asked me to move certain body parts so he could see me on the infrared camera and make sure the wires were working.  He then reminded me to try to stay on my back (luckily I am a back and side sleeper) and then it was time to sleep.  

Interestingly during this problem I have been able to go to sleep without much trouble and it took maybe just a bit more this night.  I did wake up a few times but when you are attached to numerous wires it is hard to move and get up and even to go to the bathroom I had to have Mark come and unhook me from the box.  So when I woke up I tried to find a way to get back to sleep which I did.  

At 5:30am, Mark came in and told me that he had kept me a bit longer - guess why?  Yes, he found NOTHING wrong with me!  NADA!  At least he did not call me NORMAL!  So I spent that night hooked to wires, uncomfortable, after spending $250 to meet my deductible and found NOTHING!  

I will be happy that I do not need a CPAP machine but really, NOTHING????  

So now the doctor reviews my file and decides if he wants me to come back to do a daytime nap study or what.  Maybe I am making this all up or it could be the aliens!  I have been watching alot of Ancient Aliens on the History Channel and maybe they are scared that I will discover their secret!  

So the tale ends with me leaving as quickly as possible and spending 30 minutes in the shower at home with amazing amounts of conditioner.  

I may add the picture I took of myself later if I get brave enough!

How's It Goin?

Pretty good!  The scale still looks scary but I have only looked at once since my last post which is truly amazing!  I do need to exercise more but I am worried a lot less about food and seem to be eating less and more controlled which is great!  Pain is still around and one day this week my right foot was on fire for some weird reason.  My daughter tried to help me by laying her cold arms on my foot.  She is just sweet like that!  I am now in a routine of waking up every two hours at night and I am just dealing with it at this point.  Sometimes I go back to sleep right away and sometimes because my dreams are just too strange I have to get up and work those out.  Don't want to go back to them.  A lot of these dreams seem to focus on my confidence or lack thereof about things.  Well we all know what that means!  I spend way too much time making others happy and not myself.  Trying to break that habit but after 42 years that is a tough one!  Anyway, sleep study is this week so we will hope that we learn something there!  By the way, the question of the week from Erynn is Why?  For some reason she just started doing this.  I thought that was suppose to be something you did at 3 or 4 years old not now.  When I ask her about what is up with all the questions she just says she is trying to learn things.  Well, that shuts me up and I do my best to explain to her what she is asking about.  At least I am not asking Why anymore!  My Why is telling me to take more time for myself and to enjoy the life in front of me!

Loving Who I Am

Had an epiphany today!  Honestly, I have these a lot.  I am constantly reevaluating who I am internally and looking for ways to improve.  That is actually difficult for me sometimes when others around me don't have the same needs or goals for improvement.  Perfection ain't gonna happen.  But I really do want to be a better mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, person!

Anyway, I have been internally stressing about my weight gain and the inability to lose any weight right now with the meds and other issues I am dealing with.  Well, today I read about several women who finally got off the dieting ferris wheel and decided to accept what body they had.  The problem I have is that I remember that size 2 wedding dress.  No, I never want to look that thin again but I would take a 12 over a 22.

However, right now it is more important for me to be healthy and feel good no matter my weight.  So I am letting the worry in that place go!  I will exercise when I feel like it.  I will eat what I like in moderation.  I will take something when I have pain.  (This is a big one!  The husband says I am a martyr and I need to stop being that way!)  Ok, I give in!  Neuropathy has not beat me but the worry and stress over the symptoms is over!

Remember if you don't love yourself, no one else will!

Another Possibility

Today I went to a consultation for a sleep study that my neurologist suggested.  Not sure why I kept putting it off but I finally went.  Maybe I am going now because I am still not sleeping through the night without waking up.  Or maybe because after bronchitis I am really feeling that these huge tonsils that I still have may actually really be causing me problems.  Anyway, I went this morning and it was bit surreal.  I explained it to my sister and she asked if it reminded me of sitting in my grandparents house when we were younger.  Yep, that was it!  The waiting room was full of people and I was the youngest in the room by at least 20 years.  Also, they had a television and yes Andy Griffith himself in Matlock was on.  I almost had a giggle!  Everyone who was talking was sharing how many ailments they had and what surgeries they had had.  It did make me feel better!

Again I have found another nurse practitioner who I love.  Jeanne was her name and she was no nonsense and very fun!  I had to fill out over 4 forms prior to coming in about meds, how I sleep, breathe, eat, etc.  You would think that would tell her everything but it didn't.  So she asked about my neuropathy and other illnesses and we discussed my weight gain that will not go away.  She just nodded and empathized with my pain.  She then attempted to look in my throat and had to stop.  Her words were that she wanted to see my tonsils but was scared she would make me throw up.  She said that back of my throat and the roof of my mouth were very close to each other and she was not surprised that I was having pain, not sleeping and having such issues.

So she said the sleep study will tell them more about how much oxygen I am not getting and where we should go next.  As Scott said to me, wouldn't it be wild if my huge tonsils were causing me all this trouble.  We will see!  I will tell you more about the sleep study as I do that.  It should be interesting!

Why We Observe Neuropathy Week

From the Neuropathy Association


Why do we observe Neuropathy Awareness Week? We recognize that neuropathy is a 24/7/365 battle for more than 20 million people in the U.S. (or 1 in 15)—6 million of whom also struggle with neuropathic pain—and until we find more treatments and cures, every week is Neuropathy Week, every day is Neuropathy Day. We look at this week as an opportunity for the entire community to fire up all engines—and to use all communication resources—to drive the dialogue on neuropathy. Awareness and understanding of neuropathy—and its impact—drive the allocation of more funding for neuropathy research, the development of more neuropathy programs; and, ultimately, more therapies and cures.

National Neuropathy Awareness Week

It is that time!  A week dedicated to making others aware of the pain I deal with.  I have worn my purple arm band all week and will be participating in some webinars and things going forward.  Sadly there is not a support group anywhere near me but maybe through this blog, I will find others who share in my problems.  

If you know of someone who is dealing with neuropathy no matter why, let them know you support them and understand their silent pain!

Pain Not So Bad - At Least I Have Feeling

This week a friend and coworker passed away after surgery for a benign brain tumor.  He had just gotten married a little over a year ago and recently welcomed a baby boy to the world.  However, within weeks of his son's birth he started having numbness and lack of focus.  The doctor's quickly diagnosed him and he went for surgery.  A surgery after which he never woke up from.  It is so sad that someone so young with so much to look forward to had to be taken so suddenly.

So overall my pain is nothing at least I am alive, moving and feeling even though my heart hurts!

Neuropathy Awareness Week Next Month

"Next month we will observe national Neuropathy Awareness Week, May 14-18, 2012. At the urging of The Neuropathy Association, this is the eighth year that the third week of May is recognized by the Federal Governmet's calendar of national health observances as a week to promote neuropathy awareness and prevention.  Neuropathy Awareness Week shines a light on caring for the neuropathy patient as a whole person who is dealing with a disease that can strike indiscriminately, can be multi-faceted, is often misunderstood, and, ultimately, takes a far greater human and financial toll than most realize."  - from the National Neuropathy Association

Neuropathy - Other Problems That Arise

Article on how neuropathy can cause other issues over time.

http://www.neuropathy.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=8107

Medicine Changes

Last week I had my six month checkup with my neurologist.  This time I felt very unsuccessful going in.  I had not really dealt with the changes in my pain like I should have.  I was in accepting mode and not really doing anything to improve the situation.  I went through a similar period when I was dealing with infertility.  I think it is just something you go through when you are faced with something medical that just never seems to end.  Anyway, I was upfront about that and she laughed with me.  As she reminded me, everything she provides is a suggestion at this point since for about 70% of the time the pain has now been reduced.  So we increased my dosage of Cymbalta to help improve the areas between my 12 hour doses when I seem to lose the effect of the current dosages.  So far over the last few days that has been helpful.  I am scheduling a sleep study soon also to see if my sleep has been affected and if there are other things we might could do to help or find the cause behind the pain.  Well, it could be so much worse so I can not complain.  I know of too many people recently who are dealing with life threatening issues that it makes me want to hide my simple pain more.   My thoughts and prayers go out to all of them and their families.

Daily Challenge

https://challenge.meyouhealth.com/signup

I recommend that you all go to this site and pick a track that works for you.  Each track lasts 28 days and for each day you receive an email with a challenge for that day.  Some of the tracks are excellent and help encourage you to eat better, exercise or just do something for you.  I find that it helps motivate me on the days that I have a really hard time.  Look forward to seeing you out there!

Some Simple Advice

If you have PN especially in the face or upper body, it is probably not best to spend time out in the sun without sunscreen.  Yesterday I helped my family put together a swing set for my daughter at my parents's house.  No suncreen and today I have burning red arms.  Well at least I am use to the feeling so it just matches my head!  So use your sunscreen!

Article on Diagnosing PN

Here is an article that talks about how they work to diagnose PN and how difficult it is.

Diagnosing PN

New Experienes

Today I register my daughter for kindergarten.  Wow!  Time has flown so much has happened since she was born.  My body and mind are a mess.  However, the mind is coming back some.  They say that the baby takes part of your brain and I believe that.  I have seen it with others.  Around about year 5 or so it starts to come back.  Which is nice at least on one side of my head.  The other burns a bit too much to care.  Anyway, Erynn, her Dad and I will be heading down a new road together.  One with textbooks, tests and learning! Those things I am excited about and those things make me happy to be here no matter the pain.  Everyone keep pushing me to do my yoga, it really helps and I am so tired some days I just can't force myself to do it.  Hope you have some new experiences today!

There Are So Many Worse Things

I hope if nothing else in this blog you realize that yes this is a serious issue for me but that I understand that there are much worse things happening out in the world.  Tonight I stopped on the way home to get a haircut and saw the finish of another lady who had her hair first cut into this huge mohawk for a picture and then had it completely shaved.  The lady had cancer and was trying to have a little fun with the situation she was in.  So yes, it hurts alot and sometimes I want to and actually do cry but it ain't cancer!  We all have our own issues or burdens to live with and in the end living life is the most important thing - the journey is the best part as they say!

The Long Diagnosis - You are NORMAL!

I told you how IPN began for me.  After that it took several trips to my general doctor and gynecologist before one of them finally gave up and sent me to a neurologist.  They had given me shots of Vitamin B because it was NORMAL but on the low side.  They had checked my thyroid, not once, not twice but three times and it was NORMAL but on the low side so I was put on special birth control to provide more hormones.  I was tested for diabetes and those tests where NORMAL.  After awhile we began to laugh when they would tell me yet again I was NORMAL but I was definitely not.

Finally the neurologist tested me for neuropathy but surprise, surprise the test with the machines where they stuck needles in me and probes in my neck showed Nothing.  It wasn't until the neurologist tested me manually with tuning forks that she saw the neuropathy.  Guess what?!  I got to start the testing all over again but at least now there was something to work on.  Oh, I forgot to mention the first medicine I was given was steroids and they made me literally freak out and I had to go off of them within a couple of days.  Anyway, the neuro decided to give me a steroid shot in the head.  Again, not the best route to go.  Then we upped my Vitamin D because yet again it was NORMAL but on the low side.  Then we went to Lyrica.  The first night I looked at those pills for a long time and weighed whether the possible side effects outweighed the pain.  I finally decided that they did because I needed to be able to do more than sit with ice on my head.  Well luckily the Lyrica has not really had any side effects but it also did nothing.  We upped the dose and still nothing.

Finally the neuro's assistant who is one of my favorite people in the world now, decided we should try adding Cymbalta.  Now understand I was not as familiar with it and she kept reminding me that it was not just for depression but was known to help neuropathy.  I did not care at this point and would have tried it anyway.  Happily it worked a good bit and within a couple of days I could actually go without an ice pack at night.  After almost a year that was super!

So at this time, I take all of the following:

Lyrica twice a day
Cymbalta once a day
Extra Vitamin D
Extra Vitamin B
Vitamin C (which has really kept me away from colds)
Multivitamin for women
Hormonal Birth Control to level my hormones
Extra Iron
Zyrtec for my allergies

I went from a woman who avoided pills to one who takes way too many.  However, for the most part my pain has dulled.  We are still working on the right levels of medication and I also have prescription grade Aleve to help with pains and headaches.  The neuro assistant thinks it is possible that I am having a weird kind of migraine and we have done journals of what I eat and other possible triggers and nothing really stands out.  It continues to be a work in progress and I will even be off for a sleep study soon to see if maybe their is something about my sleep or lack thereof that will give us a clue.

I have decided that obviously when I picked this life I wanted to be a medical detective as this is the second major illness where I have had to keep pushing for a resolution.  The first one led to my beautiful daughter so maybe this one will lead to something wonderful as well!

IPN Defined

So what is Idiopathic Peripheral Neuropathy?  Sounds heinous and pretty much is!  What I find fun is that if we took Idiopathic and compared it with other "pathic" words we assume some interesting things.  For example if we compared it to psychopathic meaning involving psychos, then idiopathic should obviously mean that I am an idiot!  Oh yes, never a truer statement!  However, what idiopathic really means is much worse.  In the world of nerves it means - "Doctor Know Not Why!"  That's right it means the doctors and scientist are idiots because my form of PN has no reason that they can find.  Sadly a majority of people with this condition are termed to be idiopathic.  The rest of the group with PN usually fall either as diabetic or have dealt with an infection or something that can be seen in testing.  The PN part of the definition basically states that the person has nerve endings near the surface that are prone to distress.  Everyone has it in different ways mine focuses on my head, shoulders, hands and feet.  Later I will tell you more about how I deal with mine but as there are many ways to have it there are many ways to deal with it as well.  If any of you out there have PN in any form feel free to share how you cope!  Sometimes your methods may work for others.  Let's share and feel better together!

Worn Out

This is how I feel today already!  It is 5:45am and I am worn out!  It is a compilation of a very long week last week that I never got enough rest from, five years of off and on sleeping since my daughter was born, medications I take for IPN and just the symptoms I deal with daily!  I have too many dreams at night, again we think a med thing, which constantly wake me up so I never really sleep well.  Unless it is the middle of the day and I shouldn't be sleeping!  I just really want to feel like myself again and I am starting to doubt that I ever will.  Ok, enough whining!  If you see me make sure that I am awake and give me a hug!  This too shall pass!

Yoga - A Huge Help

You will hear me talk a lot about yoga on this blog.  Exercise really helps IPN but heavy cardio workouts can cause me more pain.  So I turned to yoga.  Yoga allows you to stretch and get your heart rate up without putting major stress on your body.  It also is very calming, improves your posture and helps you to breath better.  I do however have to find the time like with any other exercise to actually do it.  It appears that 4:30 am is the best time for me but my sleepy brain is not always happy about that.  So if you see me encourage me to keep getting up and doing yoga.  It will help me have a better attitude and I know all of my work buddies would appreciate that.  So if you have PN in any form do your best to do some activity as much as possible it will help you feel better. 

(picture borrowed from Humanity Healing Community blog)

Starting a Fire

IPN began for me almost three years ago.  I can pinpoint the date and even after thorough review none of my doctors can determine anything about what I did that day that would have caused this.  They all think it was happening over time.  I am still not so sure.  You see, we had two beautiful cats in our house that basically lived out of one room for a couple of years.  We felt that they needed a better home because both me and my daughter had increased allergies around them.  So they were given to a great home and we spent the day cleaning their room from top to bottom.  By the end I was worn out, sneezy and had one of the worst headaches of my life.  I thought it was probably all of the cat hair and dander and the next day I felt better.  However, during the middle of the next day my feet and hands began tingling and burning for no apparent reason.  From there on those feelings have never really gone away.  There is much more to tell you about what I dealt with from a variety of doctors since that day and we will get there as we go forward.  


If today you have no pain, be thankful and celebrate.

Neuropathy Association

Here is a link to an association dedicated to helping people with neuropathy and supporting legislation to provide medical assistance.   I have them on Facebook and receive updates from them.  If you have this issue or know someone who does please go to this site for assistance.  May 14-18 is National Neuropathy Week and there are things you can get to show your support for those who have this illness.  

National Neuropathy Association

Fire Pain - What is it?

Fire Pain is what I feel everyday in the right side of my head, my hands and feet.  If it is bad enough I can feel it all over to some level.  I call it Fire Pain because it a a burning that at its worst feels like I am on fire or someone has placed a heater on me.  Sometimes I break out in a heat rash because it is so bad.  I began this blog today because I want to help others with this problem Peripheral Neuropathy and in my case Idiopathic PN  because there are many of us.  I have dealt with this only for the last couple of years and as we go I will tell you more about how it started for me.  I have another blog where I discussed a time were I dealt with infertility issues.  Luckily that was solved but instead of continuing that discussion I decided to start fresh and focus on this topic that means a lot to me right now.  This strange disorder can make your life difficult if not impossible to live depending on the severity. 

Welcome to my blog!  We will talk about all things IPN and not just the tough ones but also the good things that come from dealing with any chronic pain. 

Guess what there are some good things too! 

Family Fun

Today I spent time with my Dad's family!  Now that is a crazy bunch!  Let's see there were about 14 of us in all.  Me, Erynn, Scott, my sister Jen, my brother John, my mom, my dad, my dad's sisters - Pat and Dot, Dot's husband Jim, my dad's twin brother Layne, Layne's wife Teresa and my cousin on both mom and dad's side Teressa (her dad was my dad's cousin and her mom is my mom's sister).

Anyway, that was a houseful!  We had loads of food and birthday cake for my dad and his brother's birthday!  There were stories that I can not even begin to tell on here and alot of rolling on the floor with laughter.  We found out things like how my dad almost died when he was a kid due to an eye infection and my Aunt Dot had also had a bad infection that almost did the same to her and did leave her unable to have children.

We learned that they spent many years without running water in their house, that snow often came through the walls and covered my aunt's bed while they slept.  That there was a meal called "company meat" because that is the only time they got meat was when company came over.  My grandmother also loved red and spent alot of time doing all she could to make their house no matter the condition look good and clean.  We also learned that my uncle did not get his driver's license until he was in the military going to Vietnam and they forced him to get one.  My Aunt Pat also did not get her's until she was in her 20s and heading to the Marine Corp.  Both of them retired from the military and my Aunt Pat also retired from school teaching so she has completed two full careers.

My family has been through many things and still survives and laughs and loves.  We don't ever come together without hugs and we definitely do not leave without a hug and a "I love you!" They may be crazy but I am always very thankful for the love that has always been a part of my family.  I now know after being around other families that I am very lucky to have all of these crazy people in my life!