For BB and Kristy

THE ROOM
by Sandra Simpson

The spare room is empty
We want to fill it now
The needles, the testing
All seem to be in vain
But maybe just maybe
It will all be worth the pain.

We want to see the windows
In our tiny newborns face
So Please come and join us
From another place.

I know that you are waiting
Coz I am waiting too
Your nest is sitting ready
To be blessed just by you.

So come on let us ponder
And dream of days to come
Come on, share the space
That's been bare for Oh So long.

Weekly Test

Went for my weekly visit to the doctor yesterday. At this visit, I gave my sample in a cup, had blood taken and they did an ultrasound. My test results were good. The HCG is up to 13,849 which is good and the progesterone is at 40.7. The ultrasound showed us the sac and all looks good. The only small problem is a fluid cyst that they found which in itself is not a problem because it is helping to feed the pregnancy. However, it is a little larger than normal so they want me to avoid any "pelvic trauma" which might cause it to rupture. So all of that extra care I have been taking has been a good idea. Scott got a laugh out of it and said that it is just medical jargon for "husband does everything." We go back next Wednesday for the same tests again and hopefully we will have a heartbeat then.

Keep in mind that most people do not get all of this special testing and treatment. This is because we are still with the fertility specialist until around 9-12 weeks. More fun to follow!

5 Weeks Today - Will I ever feel good again?

It is 5 weeks today and I am tired, cranky and feel like I have been run over my a large truck! I told myself long ago that if I ever did get pregnant that I would be happy with whatever sickness I got but it is hard when you have constant heartburn and would really rather sleep instead of work or do anything else. Scott appears to be really enjoying all the lifting and carrying that I am asking of him. He of course does it without complaint but I am sure he misses Alicia the worker bee. Well, we both better get use to it because soon we will have no more time of our own.

The drawer at my desk has big bottles of Tums and Tylenol so hopefully that and the crackers and oranges will get me through. I guess that I should be happy that I am having symptoms of pregnancy. Except every little pain makes me worry! I try not to but it is hard to just let go!

Good Test

We went back today for our first blood test of the weekly testing to follow during the first trimester. This was a little scary to me because if my HSG and Progesterone levels were not where they needed to be we might have a problem. Well, the nurses said that the tests were good. HSG at 1551 and Pr at 38.5. The HSG needed to be going up daily from last weeks 50+ and the Pr should be more than 20. So things are looking good and I am feeling a little less nervous, but honestly will I ever be without worry again. There will be a life to take care of and worry about everyday. So here comes the adventure. Again, you guys have been great and I thank you so much for always being there. Check out the ticker at the top of the screen. Now you too can know how far along I am.

Day 4

I promised to keep everyone updated so here we are 4 days after the good news and not much has changed. I still have all of the lovely progesterone induced symptoms and luckily no morning sickness yet. I will stay with the infertility specialists through the 1st trimester and go every week for them to make sure my HCG levels are advancing. After a couple of weeks they will start ultrasounds so we will have more info. I will go back to my regular OB/GYN after the 1st trimester so I am sure that I will miss all of the attention that I was getting from the specialist.

Keep sending good thoughts our way because I am still nervous about everything being ok. It is just difficult after so many years of trying to believe it yet.

And Carey, we do not need 16 children so don't even go there!

Special prayers for BB and Kristy who will find out soon!

Pic is me as baby on the beaches in Homestead, Florida! Ain't I cute!

It's A Baby!

Well surprise, surprise! It does happen when you least expect it. The test was positive and we are pregnant. I am still in shock and I may be for awhile. I told Scott that tomorrow I will probably have to buy a pregnancy test just to see for myself. The only negative thing is that I still have to do that horrible progesterone but whatever works right. I want to thank all of our friends and family for being so supportive and positive throughout the last year. Be assured I will keep updating the blog and tell you what is going on. Hugs to all of you!

Kristy and BB, I know that it will happen for you too soon! I love you both!

Tomorrow

Well tomorrow we get the pregnancy test for this cycle! I just do not feel like it is going to be any different. This month has been really negative for me. I am starting to get out of my funk but it seems sometimes like my life revolves around infertility. I really try hard for it not to be that way but I have not succeeded so much this month. For some reason my friend Jan is working on me with her assuredness that I will have two boys. This week especially, I have felt them with me. Richard William and Alexander James (Rick and AJ) should be here. I would love to have a house of more boys. I already have Scott, Seb and Cass (the cats). Anyway, think about me tomorrow and maybe all of those thoughts will prove me wrong. I will of course let you know how it goes.

I Hate Progesterone

My progesterone pills are not taken by mouth (if you get my meaning)
They make me cranky
They give me heartburn
They give me headaches
They make me achy and sore
I hate them!

I some countries this would be considered a poem!

For Amalia

Only she will understand this. Amalia is wonderful! Amalia is great! Amalia is beautiful! Amalia is crazy!

Chow for now!

Have a Great Weekend

I am off work tomorrow because I am working Saturday. Always good to have an off day and I have really needed it this week. Plus I can usually get more work done on Saturdays without the bosses to bother me. Another week and we will know the results for this month. Everyone have a great weekend and wish us luck!

Down Week

Ok, can't seem to get out of the crappy mood. Just seemed bothered by everything and really negative about the whole pregnancy thing. I know I need to be positive, but f@&k it I don't want to be! I just want a baby, a child, that Scott and I can teach how to read and play and grow with. Why do other people have child after child and we are looking at putting out over $18k for the possibility of one. Why is it so easy for some and so hard for others? Well, maybe I have bitched enough now but I am really tired and just basically pissed off. So I will be positive later all of you go ahead and do it for me for now!

Infertility Word of the Week - 3

Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate or Serophene) is an oral tablet commonly used to treat ovulatory problems. It acts by signaling the brain to trigger release of the hormones responsible for development and release of the egg.

Took this stuff way too long because my initial doctors did not know what they were doing.

Down Day

Kind of had a down day today. Went to the doctor yet again to check those follicles. Thought I was handling it all ok but afterwards I was just not really the same. Felt beat up and just tired from the constant poking and prodding. I am just worn out and I know that it will be ok but I am so ready to be pregnant. More today than normal, I saw people who were pregnant or stories about people adopting and it is on these kinds of days that I just want to sit and try to forget it all. Oh by the way, I had my first needle accident tonight when I reach for it and poked it into my finger and almost broke it. Needless to say, I had to put on a new needle. Guess that I have done it so many times now that I am not focusing, that is incredibly sad. Hope all of you are feeling more upbeat than I am.