The Year of the Dog - A New Year to Enjoy

Well the 29th began a new Chinese year and this one is the Year of the Dog. I think this may be the year that our child arrives. You see both Scott and I were born in a Year of the Dog so it would just make sense that we should have a child in one. Good karma and all! Today however, is a difficult day for us. Last year at this time we learned that Scott's father has passed away and our life has changed greatly since then. We miss him alot and hate that he will never get to see any of our children. But during this year we have both grown and learned many things about how our lives can be better. We have learned not to take anything for granted and to make sure we spend time with our families because you never know when it will be taken away. We have gone through all of the steps from denial to anger to acceptance. So today I take a moment to thank Barry for being a wonderful father-in-law and a friend. I wish for him a greater peace than he had while he was with us and I encourage you to hug your friends and family and tell them you love them. You may not have tomorrow.

Peace

Day 6 - still doing those shots. So far no foul ups. Today let's talk about finding our inner peace. It is the hardest thing for me sometimes. I question how I will every get there when I have to focus so hard on it. I have a friend who thinks I have some hidden gifts. I have not seen what he believes that I will yet. Maybe I am too scared to look too deep. Maybe I will not like what I find there. Tonight while I was driving to pick up dinner, I played my chakra balancing CD. Typically you are suppose to listen to it in a quiet, comfortable place but I keep falling asleep during it so I decided to listen in the car. Wonderfully, I actually got through half of it without going to sleep and wrecking the car. I believe that we have these energies and that we have to work to keep them inline so that we are not out of sorts all the time. So today on Day 6 we will work on finding our inner peace. Take a slow deep breath and find that place inside of you where the sun is warm, the wind is dancing across your face and you can smell and hear the ocean. This is my place to go to when I need peace. Find your place and not just today but everyday so that when life brings you the bad you can find the good.

Day 4

Yes it is Day 4. A day off from work and my first day back at the doctor's since before the holidays. It was really not my day. Ever head out the door to go to work or just out for the day and know you should just turn around and hide at home. Well, that was today. Everything was fine until I left the house. I left 45 minutes before my appointment, plenty of time after rush hour traffic. However, it took every minute of that time just to get to the doctor's office which is in a hospital. It then took 5 minutes to find a parking space and I still had to walk the length of the parking deck to get to an elevator which would take me to another floor. Once there, I have to go across a crosswalk, take another elevator down into the hospital, walk through 2 doors, take another elevator up 5 floors and then walk more to finally get to the doctor's office. So you know this took another 10 minutes. Ok, so I am late, no big deal. I sign in and have a seat. I then proceed to wait for 45 more minutes until I ask how long and find out that I was supposed to sign in at the lab too. Ditzy day continues! However, this delay did allow me to see my friend Kristy leave from her IUI and wish her well so all in all it was probably meant to be. Well, after they took my blood they then took me back for an ultrasound. Ladies, you know what kind of ultrasound I am talking about too. (As an aside, I had lunch with Scott later and he said he had an ultrasound before, I reminded him that it was not the same thing and he would not ever have an ultrasound like I did. We had a nice laugh!) So everything looks good and I started my lovely injections this afternoon which I will continue to do until next Tuesday. I managed to get through it without hurting myself or breaking any needles which is good. Anyway, I did some more shopping which was a bust too and headed home as quickly as possible where I have rested and where I probably should have been all day.

Mary Elizabeth was still not here at 2pm so hopefully she has made it by now. Sending best wishes and kisses her way!

Mary Elizabeth Arrives Tomorrow

My friend Michelle, one of the many friends who I have been on the "I can't have a baby" path, is having her baby tomorrow. I yet again have gotten to watch one of my friends go through all of the stages of pregnancy for 9 months. Understand, that a couple of my first friends to get pregnant since I have been trying now have 3 or 4 year olds so this is not the first time I have gone through this. I am very excited for her. Not only is she a sweet and truly sensitive friend but I know she will be a wonderful mom. Mary Elizabeth will be one lucky girl and I look forward to being a part of her life like I have been with Alex, Ashia, Lauren, Emily, Regan, Phillip, Bronwynn.....

It Begins Again

Well, here we are - day 1 of my next cycle. So the roller coaster starts again! I am currently waiting to here back from my doctor's office as to when my baseline tests for this month will start. Supposedly they have to be between days 1 and 4. Then I start giving myself the lovely injections from days 5 through 9. Then we wait until day 12 or so and start testing for ovulation again. The ride is just wonderful and I am so excited about doing this yet again. I am trying to have a positive attitude but it is difficult when you have to give yourself shots besides all of the other prodding that will be done. Wish me luck and try not to flinch when I tell you later about the injections.

Now I Am Sick!!!!

Well, Scott was sick for a month so I figured that the illness had escapted me but boy was I wrong. So the day after he started getting better, now I am sick. So blog updates may be slow since my mind is fuzzy with medicine. Wish everyone a good weekend!

Gilmore Girls

Simply love the show and it is Tuesday night so here I am watching one of my favorite shows. Luckily there are not many babies in it and the snappy dialogue is great! Everyone have a good night!

Sick Babies

Currently, I have a sick baby named Scott who also happens to be my husband. He has had some kind of virus since before Christmas so today I am at home and forcing him to go to the doctor. You know men, they really need that attention when they are sick. Scott is usually pretty good, he does not get fussy but he is basically useless and you have to work around him. So today instead of being at work I am here making sure that he takes care of himself. So far I have not gotten his illness and hopefully I won't become his sick baby!

When Is Your Next Doctor's Appointment?

Not a question you need to ask repeatedly to someone who is trying to have a baby. We want your support but even small reminders are upsetting. Also, we then run into the issue of having to tell you it did not work out after we go. It is hard enough for me to deal with the failed attempts but to then have to break the news to the people that love me that it did not work out is even tougher. Just know that we are trying all the time and if and when it works out you will be the first to know. After 7 years it just hurts too much to get your own hopes up much less your friends and families only to have to tell them without crying that yet again it did not happen this month.

I am sending my best thoughts out to BB today! Love ya, girl!

Cleaning - I Hate It

...As is evidenced by the amount of dust and cat hair in my house. Don't get me wrong I do like things to be in their place so there is not a great deal of mess but dusting and vacuuming I just hate. Honestly, if I did not need clean clothes occassionally I would not do laundry either. Hate it all but sadly enough I am an organized and fairly tidy person so once in awhile I have to clean. And there is nothing like the motivation of family or friends coming to visit. So every night this week in preparation for the arrival this weekend of my husband's family, I have spent time cleaning. Mainly because my sister in law is allergic to cats and I want to make her stay not too painful. Anyway, I hate to clean! That is my rant for today!

Pictures - Take Them All The Time

If there is anything that I have learned after the death of my father-in-law last year, it is that you should take lots of pictures. We struggled with finding any pictures of my father-in-law that did not include other family members. Mainly we found tons of them with him and his first grandchild Lauren (as you can see). You will want the memories. I often see new parents take picture after picture of their first child but when the second one comes along they forget the camera even existed. In my family it was a little different, cameras were big and bulky so there are not lots of pictures of me and my brother but let me tell you when that sister of mine came along 9 years later we had albums dedicated to her posing in her new clothes. There was not a pose we did not get of that child and she is still not camera shy today at the ripe old age of 23. (Love ya, Jen!) Anyway, my point is take pictures and lots of them of everyone you love and are close to whether friends or family. Some day you will want to look back on the memories!

Busy Weekend

No time to blog this weekend. Spent yesterday driving a 10 foot UHaul truck to pick up things from my husband's father's estate from Atlanta. This took all day and then we spent today unloading and catching up. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Stargate

Ok, not much to talk about tonight. I am a huge Stargate fan and new shows tonight so off to watch TV.

Lulu or Billy Bob - Name That Baby

After 7 years you start to decide on baby names even though you probably shouldn't. My husband and I decided early on that he would pick the boys names and I would pick the girls names. So we have gone through several choices. Back in the beginning we were really feeling Native American so we had things like Dakota and Sierra. We have evolved over time and the boys names are pretty well decided. Our two choices currently are Alexander James (AJ for short) and William Clark. The husband insists that they have names that can be shorted, abbreviated or whatever. Mainly this is because with a name like Scott their is really not much else that you can do. However, recently I think I am leaning toward a different middle name to replace Clark. My husband's father Barry passed away this time last year but not thinking that a child should be named Barry Perry, I think that a good middle name to honor him would be Barrington. So William (who I will call Liam) Barrington sounds good to me! Meanwhile, girls names are a toss up! I have gone through many different ones. Originally, I had chosen Rowan Harper (mother's maiden name) and Lauren Rose (Scott's mom's maiden name). However, Scott's brother had a daughter first so Lauren Rose was taken and it fits her perfectly. So now I just don't know so maybe we will get those boys and it will not matter! Names are important, ask my husband who is still annoyed by his. You see Scott was born on April 23, the same day that William Shakespeare was born and died. So Scott fully believes his parents missed an opportunity by not naming him William especially since he also has a grandfather named William. Anyway, pick a name any name and pray it does not scar you for life!

Baby Showers

Well again I am involved in throwing a baby shower for one of my friends. I love doing it because I am excited for them and want them to enjoy having a baby. However, as my friend Kristy says it is hard to attend baby showers when you so much one to have one of your own. Sometimes people just do not understand how difficult it is to be around babies or be apart of the baby showers. I think now though after 7 years that I have finally reached a place of Zen where things like baby showers really do not upset me but actually make me happy. I am not sure why but for now I feel ok with throwing parties for other would be mothers. I am now almost an expert on the perfect gift and what size cake works best depending on the crowd. Most days I do not even think about "why not now" but then their are the dreams where I see my two little boys ( I think Jan is wearing me down on this, she keep telling me that I will have two little Perry boys.) Anyway, next time you go to a baby shower remember that there is probably someone there who desperately wants one of their own and give them a hug!

Infertility Treatment - A New Needle Everyday

My first month with my new fertility doctor went as follows:

Day 1 - Fasting Lab (means I don't eat from midnight until I go in, then they take blood to test for different levels, including cholesterol)

Day 2 - LTZ Challenge Test (more blood is taken to get a base line for my progestrone levels)

Day 3 and 4 - No needles and no pills

Day 5 - LTZ pills (a form of Clomid)

Day 6 - LTZ pills

Day 7 - SPA test for husband (you know what this meant) and LTZ pills for me

Day 8 - LTZ pills

Day 9 - LTZ pills

Day 10 - Another LTZ Challenge Test (this one was to see if the LTZ pills helped)

Day 11 - Absolutely nothing! Woo hoo!

Day 12 - Start testing for ovulation

Day 13 - Another testing for ovulation

Day 14 - HSG and Follicle testing to get ready for IUI (artifical insemination)

Day 15 - IUI

Days 16-20 - NOTHING - How wonderful to have a rest

Day 21 - Progesterone Test

Days 22-27 - Progesterone pills (let me be clear this did not get taken with water, they had to be inserted in another area)

Day 28 - No pregnancy (we have to start again!)

This first month was constant testing and visits to labs but we learned that some things needed some help. The next two months were holidays where we were out of town but we will start again this cycle. Luckily we will not have to repeat all of this testing but we get to do injections this time instead of pills so more fun to come!

At least all of the needles were new each day!

New Year

I hope that everyone had a happy and safe New Year's Day! I was traveling back from a family visit in Kentucky so did not post yesterday. Today is full of football and shopping! Tomorrow I head back to work. This year I have many resolutions but of course the main one being to have a baby sometime during the year. Here's hoping that not only I but Kristy and BB also have their greatest wish too! Starting with more infertility treatment soon and will be sure to keep you updated.