What Do I Want To Do With My Life?

When I was in high school and even in college, this life that I now lead was definitely not what I had planned.  I honestly don't think any of us are the rock stars, writers, actresses or concert pianist we thought we would be.  However, more and more I have been considering what it is I would truly love to be doing with my life besides being a mom.  I think that because I am not doing what I would love to do and have a passion for that it makes the rest of my life seem dimmer somehow.

My job is not difficult in a physical way.  Mostly right now it is difficult mentally and spiritually. Often while working I think about how little I am providing to the world.  This ain't rocket science or brain surgery!  As has been apparent this week, none of us here are irreplaceable.  It could happen at any time and has happened for some good people already.  So based on that, there is very little passion for me in what I do.  Maybe it was there before, I just don't remember.

I see people in our office who do have passion but truly most of the time it is for something outside of our work.  It is a hobby or something else that means more to them.

So what do I really want to do with my life?

I read some things today that made me think differently and helped take limitations away.

If I had a billion dollars what would I do with my life?  Of course, I would move to the beach and get the best condo or house ever, read for days and eat loads of seafood.  But after about a month or so then what?

I once wanted to be a published writer.  But if that is truly my passion, why am I not writing everyday.  Is it because it is not the writing I want to do but the things surrounding it like being able to set my own hours and having people read what I write?

I went to college and planned on getting my doctorate in historical preservation or archaeology. However, I am not digging in dirt or visiting every historical site I can find.  I do still feel a passion for the knowledge in these areas and I think too often I let what I have to do (work, clean house, play with daughter) give me an excuse not to move forward.  There are not a lot of local dig sites either! But ultimately that is still an excuse!

I desperately do not want to be constantly yearning for retirement.  I want to enjoy my time now especially with my family.  So what do I really want to do?  Still contemplating.  Taking suggestions if you have them.