Who Am I?

Who am I?
I don't know anymore.
I seem to live from moment to moment focused inward.
I hope that mostly you only see a smiling face and a warm hello.
But I think I am beginning to lose even that.
This body with its varying pain degrees is taking over my heart and mind.
Only in my dreams do I come to realize this.  
I wake up ashamed, feeling horribly alone because everyone now is at least arms length or further away.
In my mind I am screaming that I love you, appreciate you and need you so much.
However, you can not see that.
All you can see is the face I give you which is more and more not really me.

I am tired of this body dictating who I am.
I have shed tears tonight because I want me back!
I believe that in the process of hiding my pain so that I appear normal, I have begun hiding my love.  
It is there in my heart but the place aroumd my heart is getting tighter and tighter and more closed.
I feel so much like a robot who is just walking through.

It is time!
Time to get over myself! Time to tell the pain to take a hike!
Who I am has always been the one there for my friends and family.  I need her back!  
All I need now is for you to send your white light positive thoughts toward me so I can find her again!

I love you all never forget that!